What you don't know

I have never shared my husband’s story publicly, people have asked and I share it but never on FB and never with people have I never met. I have decided that this blog is probably a great place to start. So let me introduce you to my amazing husband Dave we have been married eight years but we have known each other fifteen years. Dave’s accident happened on February 9, 1997 on a very windy road in Oregon. Dave was coming home from work one night and has passed a car that was going well below the speed limit. Once he got around them he slowed back down to the speed limit but as he was slowing down he noticed a oncoming car coming in his lane coming around a corner. He had two choice he go swerve his car to the left and pray like heck there was no one in that lane or swerve to the right.  When he swerved to the right he only meant to park his car between two trees, what happened next changed my husband’s life forever. When he swerved to the right he hit a patch of black ice and wrapped his car around a tree. He put his then sports car in a dead spin at 35mph. His head went through the driver side window and smacked against the tree.  Dave suffers from a TBI his long term memories are the glue that holds it all together. His short term memory is ruined, if he can repeat task and is able to put them into long term memory he does great. He repeats himself, tells the same story from 20 year’s ago like it happened yesterday. We do a lot of laughing because the tears will not create magic dust to make his memory better. We have gone through job loss, we have struggled financially we have lost his SSDI because he worked just long enough and made too much money. Dave’s parents were told by he would never walk again, never talk again, he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life. He was in coma for a week. Though he knew somehow we were their especially when we told him we were going to take his credit card and go shopping he would growl at us even though he was unconscious. Dave does walk and talk, he holds a job that is part time, he builds stuff, and he holds three college degrees and will be finishing his master’s degree in the fall of this year. I love my husband very much there are times I want to scream and cry because I don’t have the energy to fight over silly things, or he rearranged my kitchen for the millionth time because he couldn't remember where something belonged so he put it where he thought it fit. Or when he stuff’s the washer machine full and isn't paying attention to the colors and I suddenly have not the same color clothes that went into the washer. Yes we laugh crying doesn't fix but there are times I want to cry.

 There are daily challenges of being married to someone who has a head injury, they range in from frustrations, memory loss, depression, anxiety. My husband is one of the lucky ones who is high functioning who can do things that the doctors told him he would never be able to do. My husband is a walking talking miracle. Yes we are part of that 20% of society that only 5% of people who are married to someone with a TBI their marriage will survive. But you see we have a lot of love in this family. We have a lot of patients and understanding, and we do do overs daily. We give each other chances and understanding. People thought I was a little nuts for wanting to marry someone with a head injury, people don't understand why my husband doesn't work full time, or why I am not a stay at home mom. I have been asked if I would ever get my turn at staying home and Dave going off to work. I have been frustrated and hurt then I remember that still small voice saying. Leah I told you if you followed my will I would guide you. Don't change the course on the path you are on. That small voice has helped me so much in eight years. That small voice has reminded me many times it's really going to be okay, that small voice has lead me to faith and prayer time and time again.